Ooh La La!
by Prime's Little One
Summary: A cracky little oneshot that I came up with in a fit of insanity induced by sleep deprivation. Mikaela, Epps, a Poker bet, French Maid Dresses, and an entire Base full of witnesses. Oh, and Soldiers dancing to Tra La la.


Title: Ooh La La!  
>Genre: Humor<br>Pairings: None  
>Warnings: Crack; cross dressing; betting; hinted older teen concepts.<br>Summary: A crack-y little one-shot that I came up with in a fit of insanity induced by sleep deprivation. Might end up part of a series of fics or a story.  
>Important Notes: 1.) Takes place about two or three months after the first movie; 2.) Sam and Mikaela, after about a month of dating, broke it off and remained just friends; 3.) Based on the premise that Sam and Mikaela hang out with the autobots on the base, and become good friends with them- none of this, "I just want a normal life" Sam shit. He's not a dumbass in this story; and 4.) The autobots don't understand human culture that well yet, and they're just getting to know Will, Sam and Mikaela and the others. So they'll do things that surprise the humans, and vice versa.<br>(OP)

"Attention! Will all off duty officers please report to the main hangar? Repeat: Will all off duty officers report to the main hangar? Thank you." Michael "Fig" Figuera's voice spoke over the base intercom. Sam and Mikaela shared confused looks-looks mirrored by almost all the soldiers in the break room with the two teens. As they all trooped out of the break room, Sam and Mikaela overheard several of the older men- and women- asking what was going on. Shrugs and "I don't know," were common on the way to the large hangar.

They entered the large hangar that was used as a mass meeting place and a place for Optimus to Skype with various government officials, and Sam and Mikaela headed towards the back where they could see Optimus. When they reached the autobot- who was in his alt form- they saw Ratchet and Ironhide in their alt forms, with William Lennox standing in front of 'Hide. The major had a megaphone dangling in one hand for whatever reason.

Sam nodded to the autobots and looked at Will. "Any idea what this is about?" He asked the older man. Will shook his head, his expression just as confused as everyone else's. "Not a clue. What about you guys?" Will looked over his shoulder at the three autobots on base. Bumblebee was off with a few soldiers patrolling the area around the base. Optimus rose and lowered on his axles, the alt form of a shrug. "Unfortunately I do not, Major." His voice rumbled from his speakers.

As soon as the room was filled with soldiers, Fig walked onto the catwalk that was in the middle of the room, about chest height on an autobot. "Ladies and gentlemen, and gentlebots," he said with a grin and a wink in said bots' direction. "Please stay towards the back of the room, on this side of the catwalk. That way, you get the full effect." He walked off before he clarified what the full effect was. When everyone was packed into the back half of the hangar, the lights flicked off, leaving the room pitch black before several spotlights focused on the middle of the catwalk.

From where Sam, Mikaela, and Will- and coincidentally, Optimus, Ironhide, and Ratchet- stood, they had a great view of the five soldiers in full camo gear (camo cargo pants, bulky camo jackets, and black combat boots) lined up in a row. The two teens and the major blinked as music came from the speakers around the room. Sam's eyes widened as he recognized the lyrics. "Is that-? It's not…" He stammered, trying not to laugh. Will and Mikaela looked at him, amusement clearly visible on their faces even in the shadows.

Optimus, Ironhide, and Ratchet- along with quite a few soldiers- made shocked sounds as the five men from Will's troop started dancing to the suggestive lyrics. The moves were over exaggerated and suggestive. Several times during the song, other men- and a few of the women- came out and danced, the moves all timed perfectly.

Sam and Mikaela cracked up as they clearly saw three of the soldiers stand in a line and rock their hips suggestively, turning around so you could see it from all sides. As a fourth soldier joined, they switched to doing a weird sort of walk, swinging their arms and pausing every other step. Towards the end of the song a large group of guys came onto the walkway clustered together, somehow still managing to dance hilariously.

When they got to the middle of the walkway they stopped and danced, before parting. The crowed of soldiers- who had been hooting with laughter and clapping previously- fell silent as the soldiers and Epps danced. Will choked and stared at his friend in shock and horror. Sam and Mikaela heard the autobots make incredulous sounds, as well, and felt them rock back on their wheels. The two teens nearly fell over laughing.

As Epps turned sharply to dance flirtatiously with one of the soldiers up there, his skirt flipped, and several of the soldiers behind him made exaggerated swooning and/or peeking motions. Epps was dressed as a French Maid, complete with dress, cap, stockings, and a feather duster with real feathers. He had on standard combat boots, though, instead of high heels.

The song finally finished, and the lights came back on, revealing that it was indeed Epps dressed that way. As a few soldiers in the audience started laughing lightly in shock, Mikaela reached over and grabbed Will's hand, still wrapped around the megaphone. She wrapped her smaller and over the stunned man's, and squeezed to turn the megaphone on. She raised it to her lips and wolf whistled, grinning mischievously. Several people turned to her in shocked amusement, and she knew that even the autobots were watching her.

"Damn, boys!" She said into the 'phone. "Nice dancing! And Epps… You look hot! But your dancing could use a little work." Scattered laughs throughout the crowd met this statement, and even from way back where she was, Mikaela could see the pout- she meant scowl- on Epps' face. "Yeah, well, you try dancing in this thing up here while there are men below who can look up your skirt!" He hollered.

More laughs echoed around, especially by those close enough to see the smirk on Mikaela's lips. She grabbed Will's hand again and replied, "No thanks! That's why I got you to do it!" She grinned as Epps spluttered in shock to the amused laughs of everyone else. "Why you little-! When I get down there, I'll…" Mikaela cut him off. "You'll what? Dust me off?" She asked coyly. Sam and Will laughed, and Mikaela could have sworn she heard Optimus chuckle quietly. Epps threw his hands up in the air. "Gah!" He stalked off the walkway cursing up a storm about teenage girls and damn bets (according to the soldiers that were up there with him, that is).

Within ten minutes the hangar was empty, save for Will, Sam, Mikaela, and the three confused yet highly amused autobots (1). When Will looked at Sam and Mikaela expectantly, they stared back innocently. "What?" They chorused. The major scowled. "Don't give me that. I know you had something to do with this." He said sternly, though the teens could see the barely repressed mirth in the man's blue eyes.

Sam chuckled and shook his head. "I had nothing to do with this, actually." At Will's slightly disbelieving stare, Sam added, "Honestly!" Mikaela grinned. "I can only claim partial credit, I'm afraid." She stated laughingly. An eyebrow rose as Will regarded her silently. She knew she had the attention of everyone there, so she explained.

"Well, a few days ago while you were in a meeting with Optimus and Secretary Keller, Sam, Epps, a few soldiers and I played poker in the break room." She told Will. The second eyebrow joined its twin in Will's hairline, and Sam cut in hurriedly. "No money involved! It was just for fun." Will nodded, so Mikaela continued. "Well, on the last hand, we made a bet that the winner would be able to dare one of the losers to do something. We of course made some rules to protect everyone, but, otherwise, anything went. Long story short, I won, and pulled Epps aside to dare him to wear that in front of everyone."

Sam snickered, and Will laughed. This time, Mikaela _knew _she heard Optimus chuckle, and even Ratchet snorted in amusement. "So the dancing of my men…?" Will trailed off. "Total bonus." She stated seriously, before ruining it and cracking up at the memory. Sam soon joined her, and when they finally calmed down, Mikaela sighed wistfully.

At Will's curious look, she explained, "I wish someone had gotten that on camera…" She blinked as Optimus rolled forward and stopped next to her. "Well, Mikaela, I can always send you a copy of what I saw." He offered, laughing inwardly as her face lit up with unholy glee. "You can? Would you? Please?" She begged. He chuckled. "If you wish." He said. Mikaela nodded eagerly and Sam laughed as he asked if she was going to use it for blackmail. "Are you kidding?" She exclaimed. "That shit's going on YouTube!" She proclaimed, to the wild laughter of Will and Sam. Across the Base, Epps shivered. Something was going to happen that he would _really_ not like…

(OP)

Just because they might not understand human culture yet, doesn't mean that they wouldn't find a bunch of soldiers making fools of themselves for others' entertainment amusing. XD

A/N: Okay, I figured that after my depressing excerpt, I'd give ya'll something funny, even though this isn't Yu-Gi-Oh! So… Hope you all enjoyed that! And I have an idea to make a humorous story that this could fit into, so I might type it up and post it later, when ANP is closer to being finished. I hope you all like my first Transformers one-shot! Please let me know what ya'll think! Thanks! Also, watch the video called "You touched my tra la la, U.S. Military style in Iraq!' That's the dance and song the soldiers use.


End file.
